Madness In My Method

Elise did not make it to tomorrow.
She passed away despite the life support system at around 5:30pm.

I took mom, middle nephew, and his girlfriend to Lightscape at the Fort Worth Botanical Gardens Friday night despite the 20-something temps. Mom and I were bundled like snow creatures, nephew tried to brave the cold without additional bundling and was then complaining, and girlfriend being from Nebraska felt right at home. We had pasta and butter cake at Zoli's and did a quick Trader Joe's run afterwards. It was fun and freezing.

Unfortunately, we got bad news that my sister's best friend and our adopted family member is in ICU. She has had multiple seizures that we're not sure what from and is now in an induced coma. This woman spent more time in hospitals when she was in grade school and into her 20s than not, and I can only hope that she will pull through this just as she has so many other issues that she has faced down. She is a beautiful woman, a doting mother, and lightens up any room she walks into. She knows the value of life and I know she will keep fighting for it.

My dad's elder brother passed away on March 14th. I only just found out today, as my dad and his elder brother were not very close. My other uncle, dad's younger brother, informed my dad the Friday before that he wasn't doing so great, and that dad should give him a call.

I feel sad for my cousins losing their father. I'm a bit annoyed my dad didn't at least give him a call that weekend. I'm strangely not that sad, but I wasn't very close to him. I'm sure it'll hit me like a ton of bricks soon enough.

William Michael "Mike" Griffis

My nephews are feeling fine, and the middle one is back at school and passing his classes again, unlike in the fall when he could only be bothered enough to wake up and check in to class and then fall back asleep on his bed.

My dad was sick, and now he's feeling better. The same with my sister and her boyfriend.

My mom is still pretty sick and still had not texted me that she has received her COVID results from her Tues test.

Hell week is mostly over. I have a couple things I need to gather and submit on Monday for the auditors, but otherwise I should be good to start my January processing. This is better than in December when I only had 12/28-30 available for processing due to vacation and holiday time-off I needed to take.

And....I woke up this morning with pain in my leg again, a little further down than before. Last week the pain was directly next to my knee. Now it's a few inches lower, near the top of my calf.

It's most likely the same clot moving down my leg. I'm not planning on another ER trip unless something gets really worse. I left a message to notify my PCP of the change, which they probably won't even hear until Monday, and who knows if they will request me to do anything. I've already scheduled a blood test to narrow down the anemia that showed up on my blood work, but the soonest that will be happening is Jan 29th thanks to so many other people needing tests right now.

Four More Days left on the Special Added Offer to 2020.

Yoga cushions and bolsters just make me think, "Oh, look. It's a doggie bed for humans."

I promise I don't have a hate on for yoga. I sometimes feel like getting into yoga, although I think I'd be happier joining a gymnastics gym and doing calisthenics (which is essentially what my current workout entails, just in smaller measure).

I've managed to get a lunchtime routine going at work. Luckily, I'm in an office with just me and one other person for the most part, and we both are trying to monitor our eating, just in different ways. It means we've taken over the kitchen and don't have to worry about someone stealing our gadgets or food. As such, I've bought a George Foreman grill, glass bowls, cheese grater, etc., so that I can actually COOK something for lunch. My typical menu consists of a fillet of salmon cooked on the grill with a little balsamic glaze, a quart of veggies (which is a LOT of veggies) steamed in the microwave and then smothered in butter and cheddar cheese, and 2-4 cups of spinach salad with a creamy balsamic vinaigrette, 4 cheeses (a 3-cheese blend of Parmesan, Romano, and Asiago, and then some shredded smoked Gruyere or smoked provolone, depending on which one I bought), slivered almonds, and pine nuts. I've varied the tastes enough that I can eat this menu every single day and never get tired of it.

Although, I will still hit some of the food places around and just try to make better choices, like Chipotle salad with barbacoa, Olive Garden grilled salmon or salmon piccata, or Cotton Patch Cafe or Outback steak and veggies. I'll still sometimes splurge for a Dickey's brisket baked potato with all the fixings, anything Schlotsky's, or my stupidly favorite Cane's 3-finger combo, but for the most part, I'm trying to both save some money on my meals and see what I can accomplish with different food choices. I still love Mama Cuca's in south Arlington, which has hands down the best steak quesadillas I've ever had.

Man, I love food too much.

Speaking of food, I treated my mom and two youngest nephews to hibachi last night, and the OMFG!!! look on Littlest's face when the grill was set on fire was absolutely priceless. He's what I call an über-picky eater, which is typical toddler behavior, but he's 8 now and still acting like he's 3. It completely drives me up the wall with the highly limited menu he'll eat from (although he'll eat all the candy, soda, and desserts he can get his hands on). So, I was rewarded with him actually eating all the veggies, rice, beef, and chicken that was put on his plate, and not turning his nose up at it and then complaining of being hungry still, which is a much more common occurrence when we go out to eat with him. Overall, it was a great dinner.

Little Bit and I had some minor adventures yesterday.

( Lots of stuff to discuss )

I found out that schools have been teaching multiplication in a very strange way, which I just looked up and is called Two Digit Multiplication versus how I was taught which is called Vertical Multiplication, and it's confusing as fuck, and I can't for the life of me see how this new method is somehow winning over from the older, more compact and seemingly faster method. Also, that video says students won't have to use pen and paper to solve complex multiplications now and implies us old farts never faced real-world word problems when learning to do math. BULLSHIT! There's no way even I'm doing that stupid ass quadrant of smaller multiplications in my head and keeping those numbers in my head long enough to then turn around and add them up. I think I'd be better off making lines in order to never have to know how to multiply ever again. So, after being tested at Kumon, the tutors are recommending reprogramming that "new math" out of Little Bit's head and getting him into using the "old math" ways. Oh, and there's the Big-7 division and Multiple Towers, or some other such bull, in order to do the long division, which again the video implies won't require pen and paper to ever work out again. HA HA HA HA HA HA! Good fucking grief, this shit hurts my head. Why are we teaching this crap to the kids?

*Also, I bought a new car, which I hadn't posted about. Not much to say about it other than there's a new fancy gadget in our driveway. The Acura is now a family spare vehicle and will most likely become Eldest's car of choice when he gets his driver license in a couple months. He turns 16 in July, but he waited too long to start his driver's education class, and he's required to have a permit for at least 6 months as a requirement to getting his license, so he'll have to wait a couple extra months before he's official. That must be a change since 20+ years ago, because I took my driver's ed class in spring, then turned 16 on June 29, so I only had my permit for about a month before I had my official DL. (And I just realized my birthday is only 5 days away, sheesh where the hell did April and May and June go?)

Still holding on precariously to sanity with 2nd job not quite done with layering on the madness. I figure about two more weeks and then I'll start to see the semblance of a regular weekly workload. Maybe. Hopefully.

I'm exhausted. I'm snapping at people and have lost all patience for anything. It's not just the two job thing, although that obviously is an added pressure. It's me thinking about future things. The uncle still in the hospital. The other uncle and aunt that I finally saw for the first time in a few years at the hospital. Dad announcing he'll finally try to retire before the end of this year. Mom always having back pain. I worry about them dying now, and what kind of pressure that will create for me regarding the boys and my sister. The idea of going back to grad school always hangs over my head.

Speaking of the uncle, he's now officially on hospice, although who the hell knows for how long.
( Details )

I'm chalking a good portion of my mental state up to the family side of things. Work stuff is busy, and drama-filled, but otherwise actually helping with my mental state as I knock tasks off of the to-do list. Waiting for someone to die and thinking about others around me dying, on the other hand, is no proper mental state for anyone. It's causing me to become a grumpy bitch, and I'm really not fit for social interactions right now, even though I know good social interactions are typically the cure. I'm just too worried I'll piss people off being bitchy instead of being comforted by their presence. Like I said, I've lost all patience - I'm too tired for that.

The end result is me having a hard time opening my eyes every morning and wandering the world with constant, massive jaw and neck tension. I think I've had some form of a permanent crick in my neck for the past two weeks now. I don't have enough Valium in the cabinet.

Middle nephew that loves riding the big roller coaster rides with me asked if we could go to Six Flags today. He's learned from me the value of going to Six Flags on skeptical weather days, like cold, possibly rainy days in the fall, and scattered thunderstorm days like today.

We got rained on twice, once as soon as we arrived and again right after eating dinner. That second storm cell included a few park-wide notices of the weather service alert accompanying it, which the alarm sound over the intercom made Little Bit nervous for a moment. I had to pull up the radar on my phone and talk him through understanding that it wasn't a tornado warning, and that we were safer staying there than leaving and driving in the car TOWARDS the oncoming assault. We stayed in the restaurant while the bulk of the second storm passed, which had already started losing power once it reached us and was only a mid-level rain rather than the OMG pummel of doom it started out as on the other side of Fort Worth. The A/C was making us cold, so we were happy to start walking around in the light rain again once the storm subsided. There were puddles to walk through everywhere, and nephew, along with many younger kids throughout the park, were loving stomping and splashing in them. Some bigger puddles were unavoidable while walking through the wait-line corrals Luckily I wore sandals instead of socks and shoes. I know how crinkled my feet get when they're trapped in water-logged shoes all day, like they did when I was a teen and rode the soaking water rides first thing upon arrival on a hot, hot summer day.

Our drink spilled a total of three times - once on the table, once on him while we were on a ride, and once on my hoodie while it was sitting in the bin during another ride. Apparently the lid doesn't seal as well as it should. Luckily we were already thoroughly damp, so while the spillage added a level of soaking to our clothes, you couldn't tell while walking amongst the other water-drenched souls.

The park was emptying out by the time we arrived at around 4pm, so much so that I thought maybe they had decided to close due to the rain, but they stayed open the full day until 9pm. I think most people got in their fun in the morning before the rains started, but those dry folks probably also had much longer lines to stand in. There were absolutely no lines for us. The longest we waited for a single ride was The Justice League at maybe 30 minutes, which on a normal busy day is 2+ hours. I know this because the first time we rode it I got leg cramps from a 2-hr long line, and I've seen the corral be even fuller than that on some days.

We ate a churro and popcorn and carried around that Mr. Pibb in our free refill bottle. We rode the Batman ride with zero wait. We had a burger, chicken nuggets, onion rings, fries, a fruit cup, a fruit roll-up, and Pepperidge Farm Goldfish for dinner. Then we rode The Justice League and Runaway Mountain, the two inside rides we knew would for sure be open again once the storm passed over. Then we rode The Texas Giant twice, The Titan twice, and The Texas Giant another two times. Any other regular summer day, weekend or not, and ALL of those rides would have ~2 hours wait times.

In summary, 5 hours, a snack, a dinner, two water shows, and 9 rides, all for the cost of gas (since we have the season pass with meals).

At least I didn't have to worry about sunscreen.

The best parts about today were our conversations to and from the park. Little Bit definitely has a scientific mind. On the way out he asked about the myth that green skies always means tornado, and I explained super cell clouds, wall clouds, and light dispersion, especially during sunset, through such a gigantic super cell. He now knows green skies and tornadoes are correlated, but not causality - I would have shown him a Venn, but I was driving. We simultaneously debunked the rain-means-no-tornado myth. We also talked about vortexes in general, including dust devils, hurricanes, whirlpools, and even the smoke vortex you can see coming off the iron cooking slab at our favorite Mongolian grill restaurant. I discussed how the power source for some come from the heat coming off the ground/base of the vortex and some get their power from the top. Later, while riding The Texas Giant the second set of times, we enjoyed the sunset and the going-away thunderstorm clouds while the train was pulled up the main drop hill, and he commented to me that he understood the light dispersion stuff better while looking at the pretty sunset colors.

On our drive back, he asked me to clarify the magnets installed in the cars affecting stop lights concept. He was close, but not quite right. I told him about the grooves in the road and how the metal car disrupts the inductance, so we played Where's Waldo looking for the grooves at the next couple of intersections. I didn't go into as much scientific depth with that as I did the green tornado clouds stuff. Next time I hang out with him, I'll introduce him to henry.

But Wait, There's More!

He also asked about college, and if I went to college, and how degrees work. So we spent the rest of the drive home talking about undergrad Bachelor, grad Master, and post-grad PhD/MD/JD degrees.

Whew. What a day.

Eldest fell off his bike and is now having to be kept overnight in the hospital for a concussion. The two symptoms Mom told me about were constant throwing up and low oxygen levels, neither of which are a good sign.

I'm trying not to freak out. Dad's staying the night at the hospital while Mom is at home with Little Bit and Pipsqueak, since this is Pipsqueak's weekend to spend with his brothers.

So much for plans to take the boys skating tomorrow.

I'm done with their 3 scarves, so they'll each be getting a gift from me. I'll probably take them out for ice cream if Eldest has been cleared for such, although from the sounds of it he might end up just wanting to sleep a bunch. I also bought these TMNT cookies while grocery shopping the other day, since Pipsqueak is a huge fan.

I'm just trying to think of what else we can do for hanging out now. Most all recommendations for healing from concussion say avoid TV and games and cell phones, given how much the eyes and brain get involved, all three of which Eldest is addicted to. I might recommend he try an audio book, something that will keep his mind occupied, but which will allow him to relax his eyes.

Any suggestions on some good manga I could find in audiobook format?