Coming Out?

[trickykitty]

This should actually be no surprise if you really know me well.

I've been avoiding discussing this publicly, because quite frankly it's nobody else's business, but I feel a bit more relaxed and finally at ease with it enough to mention it. There's still moments of wishing things could be different, that I could be different, but then those moments pass, and I get over it. I know that I'll keep growing, and I know things will get better in their own time, and that's all that really matters.

I've been attending an Asperger's group meeting since January and participating in an autism forum online since last November, although I pulled away from the forum a couple months ago as I feel that I've gotten out of it about all I can. I feel kind of bad that I'm not there to continue offering up advice, but I need to keep more focused on myself for now. Both the meetups and the forum have been a great help in understanding how and why I think the way I do. I no longer feel quite so alone in this world, and hopefully this will help me stop chasing after things to fill up that loneliness void that I've felt for so long. The amount of camaraderie among like-minded folks trying to make sense of their worlds was very much appreciated after many months of head space posts that sometimes felt like I was going in circles, always getting a little closer to center, but never quite reaching it. I can finally accept myself, faults and all, and now I have the right mold with which to work.

After numerous discussions with many, many folks, I've decided that trying to seek an official diagnosis of being on the autistic spectrum would cost me way more in time and money than I care to invest and would take resources away from other people who need it more than I do. (Don't bother telling me otherwise or that you think I'm barking up the wrong tree - it's not your place to do so, and at this point I'll just ignore you if you try.)

So yeah, a year and a half of trying to "fix" myself has led me here, and here is just fine and dandy. I feel like whistling.

In other news, I have my eye on another house. I'm ready to put in an offer yesterday (fun play on words, but I mean it literally - I actually wanted to put in an offer yesterday), but I'm giving it two days to think on and to also give my dad a chance to see the house and give his stamp of approval. We're going to go look at it again tomorrow after work. I hope this one pans out. In the meantime, I'm just about crawling out of my skin with excitement, and I have to keep tamping it down until it's an officially done deal.

I also received the fractal cross stitch pattern in the mail that I posted about recently. 94 colors! 30 pages of charts! Holy cow!!! This thing really is going to be huge and going to take me the next ten years to stitch. This will be good, because what with buying a house, sitting on my ass doing nothing but stitching and working through all the computer games and movies I own is about all I'm going to be able to afford for a while in the way of entertainment. Oh, and I'm SO looking forward to getting back to my piano playing. I can't wait to have the piano with me again.

Eileen keeps tempting me with going out to Pan. Gripe at me all you want about it, but I still want to loose a bit more weight before I hop into one of my dresses again.

I keep forgetting that I need to make business cards for the company, as my mom is starting to be asked for them by a client she's been working with.

And there's a bar I need to finish building, but good god, it did that hot thing outside again. As much as I want to go work on it now, uh, it can wait a tad bit longer.

Comments

[jdack]

I've actually thought you might be for a couple years now. Some of my favorite people have Asperger's :)

[trickykitty]

:)