Quiet Rage
Sep. 9th, 2011 09:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trickykittyI'm in a mood to destroy things. Strangely enough, I'm also very calm. I've been like this for a couple days now. I'm starting to recognize it as something I haven't felt in quite a long time, and it's a good feeling pushing out a lot of the angsty crap I've been feeling for who knows how long now. Making a list of similar-mood songs yesterday helped solidify this mood for me.
I went to sleep last night thinking I want to go shooting. I'm still generally nervous about the idea, but having spent some time getting to know guns and gun safety both with an instructor and with friends who might as well be instructors, I think I'm reaching a point that I'm ready to try out the actual shooting part.
I was thinking about how piano, tennis, and bowling basically took care of this need for me back in high school. There's nothing like pounding out a fast and furious song for a few hours on a piano, running around hitting the crap out of a tennis ball with focus and control, or using that same kind of forceful manipulation to make a 12lb. ball do as it's told. It's a different feeling from what I get learning or creating. Learning a piano song is one thing, but once I have it down and I can freely play it without thinking, there's this amazing adrenaline rush that comes from it.
I doubt shooting will satisfy this want, though. The piano, tennis and bowling not only had adrenaline, but also lots of physical activity, enough to break a sweat at least. It's not about destroying something else, otherwise I would find much more glee in taking apart the puzzles I put together. It's about being physically active. I also know this is not the same feeling as going out dancing. There's more of a gut "I am conquering something" feel that goes with it. This is why I was able to spend 5 hours a weekday and upwards to 15 hours on a weekend day playing the piano on a regular basis. Combatives class might work, but it doesn't really lend itself to full-out aggression without someone else getting hurt, as I don't actually get to punch someone often enough.
I'll hopefully be able to help Mike with his moving out this Saturday, and I know moving someone always gives me that same feeling, which is why I love volunteering for it when I can. The thought of hiking came up recently, and I was reminded of how much I miss doing that. A part of me wishes I could grab a machete and start clearing an area just for the hell of it. I can see how some people get into punching bags and boxing, although I've never tried it.
I just know that I really need to find an outlet for this. I miss that feeling quite terribly.
I went to sleep last night thinking I want to go shooting. I'm still generally nervous about the idea, but having spent some time getting to know guns and gun safety both with an instructor and with friends who might as well be instructors, I think I'm reaching a point that I'm ready to try out the actual shooting part.
I was thinking about how piano, tennis, and bowling basically took care of this need for me back in high school. There's nothing like pounding out a fast and furious song for a few hours on a piano, running around hitting the crap out of a tennis ball with focus and control, or using that same kind of forceful manipulation to make a 12lb. ball do as it's told. It's a different feeling from what I get learning or creating. Learning a piano song is one thing, but once I have it down and I can freely play it without thinking, there's this amazing adrenaline rush that comes from it.
I doubt shooting will satisfy this want, though. The piano, tennis and bowling not only had adrenaline, but also lots of physical activity, enough to break a sweat at least. It's not about destroying something else, otherwise I would find much more glee in taking apart the puzzles I put together. It's about being physically active. I also know this is not the same feeling as going out dancing. There's more of a gut "I am conquering something" feel that goes with it. This is why I was able to spend 5 hours a weekday and upwards to 15 hours on a weekend day playing the piano on a regular basis. Combatives class might work, but it doesn't really lend itself to full-out aggression without someone else getting hurt, as I don't actually get to punch someone often enough.
I'll hopefully be able to help Mike with his moving out this Saturday, and I know moving someone always gives me that same feeling, which is why I love volunteering for it when I can. The thought of hiking came up recently, and I was reminded of how much I miss doing that. A part of me wishes I could grab a machete and start clearing an area just for the hell of it. I can see how some people get into punching bags and boxing, although I've never tried it.
I just know that I really need to find an outlet for this. I miss that feeling quite terribly.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-09-09 05:03 pm (UTC)I love working out and pummeling a punching bag. However, having a partner to fight with is far more interactive and rewarding. Then at the end you get to stand up shake hands or hug and go have a beer.
One day I really want to get the third stall in my garage cleared out and throw down some padded floors so I can drag those two boys over for regular work outs.