Change Of Plans
Aug. 29th, 2011 08:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trickykittyOne of the things I have discovered, and I would give anything to not have discovered it the way that I did, is that I cannot simply make the bad me disappear no matter how much I try. When I think I've managed to lock her up in a cage and walk away is when she does her Houdini act. It's at that point that not only is she out and about wreaking havoc, but my belief that I have her locked away makes me blind to her machinations until it's too late.
The timing of this discovery along with the timing of the chapter that I read this week from Brain Tricks really hit home a message that I spent yesterday evening discussing with a good friend.
"You cannot fight what you cannot see."
[The exact quote is "What you cannot see, you cannot kill," and my friend adopted it from The Golden Voyage of Sinbad at an early age, but I prefer her alternative take on it above as it's more fitting.]
In order for me to accept myself, I have to accept all of myself. The good me and the bad me both exist, and always have. I have to allow my thoughts freedom to exist so that then I can completely see what might be a bad decision before I make it. All the work I've done before was learning how to delineate between those two voices, recognize them for what they are, and put a stop to bad thoughts before they came to fruition. This of course requires me to recognize that they are occurring in the first place. Bad thoughts have more power when I ignore them, and myuncomfortableness* discomfort brings out the Bad Defensive me the more I try to suppress it.
The work I did before helped me to at least recognize when something didn't feel right and I was getting out of sorts and off-balance. This is important, because it's my indicator that I need to take a step back. At the time though, I kept trudging through and trying to work out my feelings with the same people that it was affecting, thereby causing the situation to worsen.
One of the other things that came up during our discussions last night was the recognition that I was trying to balance myself against others around me, rather than balancing myself against myself. I had hit a point before when I felt good, balanced, and right with the world. That was before I started hanging out and dating again. There's still some tweaking to be done to get back and keep to that balance point, but I'm pretty damned confident that I'll get there.
Unless one can see one's self from a higher perspective and accept all that is going on with that self, it is much harder to break through all the obstacles our nature throws in the way in accepting others with whom we feel alienated.
In essence, it means being able to look in a mirror and see a chemical, human organism run by a brain that will react and do exactly what it is going to do anyway at that time. It means accepting what is happening at that time as well as what has happened in the past.
It is easier to accept one's self if each of us lives in an accepting environment. The problem is that we live in an ugly world full of competition, social snobbery, nonacceptance, bigotry, and discrimination that all of our education and religion have been unable to eradicate. To be truly accepting of one's self takes a stronger personality in this environment. By that I mean not so much strength of character but a strength to be able to look through all the beliefs one has been taught and then to see the world and one's self in proper perspective.
But achieving that perspective is very difficult. Not only must one recognize that the perspective is possible, it must be worked at constantly. The brain attempts to eradicate this kind of perspective. It is busy making us do whatever it is that our nature intended. It doesn't like the artificial interference of strong reason.
How many times I have had heard in my life 'If I only didn't do this, or if I just would have been smart enough to do that, this or that would have turned out differently and I would have been better for it today.' What rubbish! We did what we did. Who among us is perfect? Who has ever lived who was perfect? We make mistakes. We make poor decisions sometimes. The process of life continues through an illusion of time we have created to measure movement. We must move with it. Memories do not always teach us. They are primarily valuable for storing experiences we've been through and the results that ensued from them.
When we make the same mistake a second or a third time, which we so often do, our memories simply serve to give us a better notion of the consequences. ... Some would want me to feel remorse for my entire life, but that is ignorance. That is nonacceptance of what has already taken place.
It is like saying that one should refuse to accept history. History is what has already taken place. We might not like it, but we have to accept that the facts did happen and that they are buried in a past that is totally dead. If we do not accept this dead past totally, then a considerable amount of bitterness may remain.
If there are maniacal people coming after you and you are enjoying life, then it is appropriate to fight back. After the maniacs have been subdued, pick up your life where it was and enjoy it. Forget the maniacs even existed. There will be more around or there will be other trouble to contend with. That is the way of our lives. If you are killed in the process of defending yourself or your loved ones, so be it.
Memory can be mentally debilitating. I prefer to live only with a minimal amount of memory so that each day brings an experience that is fresh and new. If we have accepted the past because it is already the past and there is nothing we can do to change it, we are on the road to that Higher Perspective. If we can accept ourselves just the way we are at this instant, then we are well on our way to that Higher Perspective.
* No wonder why the spell checker kept disliking that word. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate English?
The timing of this discovery along with the timing of the chapter that I read this week from Brain Tricks really hit home a message that I spent yesterday evening discussing with a good friend.
"You cannot fight what you cannot see."
[The exact quote is "What you cannot see, you cannot kill," and my friend adopted it from The Golden Voyage of Sinbad at an early age, but I prefer her alternative take on it above as it's more fitting.]
In order for me to accept myself, I have to accept all of myself. The good me and the bad me both exist, and always have. I have to allow my thoughts freedom to exist so that then I can completely see what might be a bad decision before I make it. All the work I've done before was learning how to delineate between those two voices, recognize them for what they are, and put a stop to bad thoughts before they came to fruition. This of course requires me to recognize that they are occurring in the first place. Bad thoughts have more power when I ignore them, and my
The work I did before helped me to at least recognize when something didn't feel right and I was getting out of sorts and off-balance. This is important, because it's my indicator that I need to take a step back. At the time though, I kept trudging through and trying to work out my feelings with the same people that it was affecting, thereby causing the situation to worsen.
One of the other things that came up during our discussions last night was the recognition that I was trying to balance myself against others around me, rather than balancing myself against myself. I had hit a point before when I felt good, balanced, and right with the world. That was before I started hanging out and dating again. There's still some tweaking to be done to get back and keep to that balance point, but I'm pretty damned confident that I'll get there.
Unless one can see one's self from a higher perspective and accept all that is going on with that self, it is much harder to break through all the obstacles our nature throws in the way in accepting others with whom we feel alienated.
In essence, it means being able to look in a mirror and see a chemical, human organism run by a brain that will react and do exactly what it is going to do anyway at that time. It means accepting what is happening at that time as well as what has happened in the past.
It is easier to accept one's self if each of us lives in an accepting environment. The problem is that we live in an ugly world full of competition, social snobbery, nonacceptance, bigotry, and discrimination that all of our education and religion have been unable to eradicate. To be truly accepting of one's self takes a stronger personality in this environment. By that I mean not so much strength of character but a strength to be able to look through all the beliefs one has been taught and then to see the world and one's self in proper perspective.
But achieving that perspective is very difficult. Not only must one recognize that the perspective is possible, it must be worked at constantly. The brain attempts to eradicate this kind of perspective. It is busy making us do whatever it is that our nature intended. It doesn't like the artificial interference of strong reason.
How many times I have had heard in my life 'If I only didn't do this, or if I just would have been smart enough to do that, this or that would have turned out differently and I would have been better for it today.' What rubbish! We did what we did. Who among us is perfect? Who has ever lived who was perfect? We make mistakes. We make poor decisions sometimes. The process of life continues through an illusion of time we have created to measure movement. We must move with it. Memories do not always teach us. They are primarily valuable for storing experiences we've been through and the results that ensued from them.
When we make the same mistake a second or a third time, which we so often do, our memories simply serve to give us a better notion of the consequences. ... Some would want me to feel remorse for my entire life, but that is ignorance. That is nonacceptance of what has already taken place.
It is like saying that one should refuse to accept history. History is what has already taken place. We might not like it, but we have to accept that the facts did happen and that they are buried in a past that is totally dead. If we do not accept this dead past totally, then a considerable amount of bitterness may remain.
If there are maniacal people coming after you and you are enjoying life, then it is appropriate to fight back. After the maniacs have been subdued, pick up your life where it was and enjoy it. Forget the maniacs even existed. There will be more around or there will be other trouble to contend with. That is the way of our lives. If you are killed in the process of defending yourself or your loved ones, so be it.
Memory can be mentally debilitating. I prefer to live only with a minimal amount of memory so that each day brings an experience that is fresh and new. If we have accepted the past because it is already the past and there is nothing we can do to change it, we are on the road to that Higher Perspective. If we can accept ourselves just the way we are at this instant, then we are well on our way to that Higher Perspective.
* No wonder why the spell checker kept disliking that word. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate English?
