More Re-Coding
Mar. 8th, 2011 08:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trickykittySo, if I start off an email with, "You probably don't want to hear any of this, but..." then that's probably a pretty good indication that I shouldn't send the email at all. Eileen has been pounding me over the head with the, "Don't apologize and then say 'but' at the end" baseball bat.
Dear lord, the number of realizations that are coming to the forefront of my mental space has my brain turning into pudding.
This entire email basically goes, "I know what's going on and I know what's right for you." THIS is what you do to people, THIS is how you conduct yourself with everyone. It's demeaning and insulting.
I've never looked at it like that, and it's never been quite so pointed out to me without my defenses blocking it (see previous post), but now I think I can put it into words and understand it. I seem to have a difficult time delineating between honestly helping by providing my opinions and advice when asked versus coming off as insulting. I can now think back to certain instances where I have most likely been doing this - I didn't realize I was doing that at the time, and for what it's worth, I'm sorry to anyone I have done that to. I guess I have been crossing a boundary that I never knew the effects of before.
It actually takes time for me to understand things like this, and many times they do have to be spelled out for me. It's like I missed those lessons along the way that allowed everyone else to *get* it instinctively. Not to mention that it takes me finally getting over being defensive to actually soak it in, understand it, and finally begin the process of re-wiring my brain to correct it.
There's probably going to be a lot more posts like this one in the days/weeks/months to come. There's a lot of things that I'm starting to unearth in that little dungeon I call a brain, and this is a very good thing.
Dear lord, the number of realizations that are coming to the forefront of my mental space has my brain turning into pudding.
This entire email basically goes, "I know what's going on and I know what's right for you." THIS is what you do to people, THIS is how you conduct yourself with everyone. It's demeaning and insulting.
I've never looked at it like that, and it's never been quite so pointed out to me without my defenses blocking it (see previous post), but now I think I can put it into words and understand it. I seem to have a difficult time delineating between honestly helping by providing my opinions and advice when asked versus coming off as insulting. I can now think back to certain instances where I have most likely been doing this - I didn't realize I was doing that at the time, and for what it's worth, I'm sorry to anyone I have done that to. I guess I have been crossing a boundary that I never knew the effects of before.
It actually takes time for me to understand things like this, and many times they do have to be spelled out for me. It's like I missed those lessons along the way that allowed everyone else to *get* it instinctively. Not to mention that it takes me finally getting over being defensive to actually soak it in, understand it, and finally begin the process of re-wiring my brain to correct it.
There's probably going to be a lot more posts like this one in the days/weeks/months to come. There's a lot of things that I'm starting to unearth in that little dungeon I call a brain, and this is a very good thing.
