3:30-4:30am and All Is Well

Ugh. I think my Benadryl wore off, and I woke up hearing Lynyrn Skynyrd's Simple Man in my head, and it Won't Turn OFF.

I also woke up with some epiphanies about jealousy versus being yourself, about the physical versus mental and verbal self-defense stuff again, about using hope as a protective sheath against truly letting go. I woke up having an idea about something I'd like to try to do with my life, even if it turns into yet another interesting hobby, or just fizzles from my mind come later today.

Damn, brain. When you turn on, you go for full throttle out the gate.

I like these epiphanies. They're helping me get past a very negative mental state. BUT, I'm going to be dead tired at work today, and that was one thing I really didn't want. I have way too much work to get done to be too tired to focus.

I had a great dinner with my friend and his cousin, who's a pretty cool chick. I really needed that. Now I can't wait for Wednesday and Thursday to get here. It's like I'm taking a necessary mental vacation and spending time with people I haven't been able to see in ages. It's slowly getting me back on track.

I've blown my nose about 10 times while typing this up. Must be able to breathe again. I hope I'm not waking my roommate up next door. I really wish epiphanies would stop coming in the middle of the freaking night.

Can this be anymore disjointed? Eh. It's the middle of the night. I should give myself some credit for lack of major typos.

Pulled in two directions

Seeing my friend from out-of-state was really good for me. He keeps encouraging me to move to Seattle/Portland with him (he co-habitates between the two cities). I told him that the number one thing really keeping me here are my nephews. I feel bad enough that I don't spend more time with them. I can't imagine how I would feel living in another state away from them. Of course, if I lived in Portland, I'd be a stone's throw from my own uncle and aunt and 2 younger cousins that I haven't seen since we moved my grandparents out of their home and into an Alzheimer's center, which was still a couple years before they both passed away.

My friend's also still very encouraging of me applying for grad school. He suggested I apply to Washington State, hint, hint. Back when we were at university together and he was still taking a lot more trips overseas, he told me I didn't have a choice - if he moved to Iceland/The Netherlands/Norway/etc he would be dragging me with him and I would be learning a new language.

Speaking of the nephews, I finally got them to watch The Princess Bride a few weeks back. Little Bit kept fighting against it saying, "That's a GIRL movie," and I had to tell him that it's not. Luckily, Eldest was for it, and it didn't take long at all for Little Bit to accept that this was one damn good BOY movie after all. ::eyeroll:: Watching them socialize into The Sexes is so weird to me, but maybe it's because I've always been more of a tomboy and didn't really take to being socialized myself.

Eldest told me this weekend that Papa (my dad) found a house for sale right across the street from their school and only a block away from one of his friends from class - hint, hint, nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Yep. I said before I'm pretty sure he'd love to come live with me if given the chance, and now he's out house shopping for me. Too bad I can't explain to him the economics of mortgages.

So, see? The idea of leaving here - I really have no idea how I could fathom it, yet running away and making a new start seems so appealing right now. I guess I'm bored.