House Thoughts
Sep. 6th, 2013 03:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trickykittyLeave it to me to wake up at 2:30 in the morning with the sudden realization of figuring out a conundrum that has been plaguing me for a while.
I finally realize what it was about the home-buying experience that threw me so far for a loop, and it's a combination of worries.
I'm a social creature by nature, but I rotate between hermitting and socializing so distinctly. I can never do only one or the other, but when I'm doing one or the other, I'm usually doing it gung-ho. When I pictured buying a house, I pictured disappearing into obscurity. I pictured never seeing my friends again and never having money to go out again. As a friend recently commented, I would pauper myself trying to drag other people out to dinners and events if I could. Whenever I can help out with friends, it's usually in the realm of money matters, although not always. Money has never been an object for me, and I've never really made a decision based strictly on money.
I always said that I would only ever go in to debt for a car, a house, and for school. (I need to add medical to that list, as one never really knows what medical emergencies might come up.) Technically, even with recent events, I'm still following that mantra as the car repairs being put on the credit card still fall under one of my three reasons for going into debt. I even announced that I knew I was putting myself at risk of not being able to cover an emergency when I paid off the car. I just decided that the risk of having an emergency in the next few months was worth not having to pay interest on the car note for the next year, and getting the car paid off was part of my overall budget plan for saving for a house. I was keenly aware that if I desperately needed the money, my good credit would allow me to get an emergency signature loan through my bank. Technically, it's my good credit that allows me to have a no-limit credit card now, so even a signature loan wouldn't have been necessary.
I've lived on my own once before, although I was only living on my own for about 8-9 months before my boyfriend at the time moved in with me. It was when I chose to get my own apartment "on campus" in order to go to school full time. At the time, I only had two friends that I saw sporadically, and my only true concern was that I was leaving behind my 2 year old nephew. I still visited my parents every weekend for laundry, so I got to see him then, but that decision has always been a slight point of contention for me, even though my nephew had never really been my responsibility.
Living on my own and making friends at school was easy. It's amazing how quickly you can gather a group of starving students at your home when you offer to cook for them. :) I also knew my neighbors and we'd have occasional cookouts, general hangouts, or my frat-boy neighbors would have the occasion kegger (along with frat pledges assigned to keeping the "cool neighbor's" glass from ever getting empty). The frat guys also had a really awesome poker/dinning table that I coveted. Once they found out how much I love playing Texas Hold-Em, I was invited over for poker nights pretty often as well. (I was the one with the best clay chip set.)
Mom was honestly concerned about me living on my own when I moved out that time. She was worried that I would do exactly what I picture buying a home will do to my social life now. She worried that I would go crazy being there all by myself and never having anyone around to talk to. Luckily, I was on a school campus and attending classes and lab, so it was easy to adapt. When I needed to hermit, there was the door I could close to block out the rest of the world, and I tell ya, that was damn near priceless. Even now I can close the door to my room, but there's still roommates I can hear, and it's not like I can run into the kitchen naked if my heart so desires. (I did catch Kevin once in the kitchen back at the old apartment wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, which was quite a hilarious moment for us. And admittedly, I warned everyone that given the layout of the apartment, I would always be emerging from the bathroom wearing a towel, but that still covered more skin than if I had emerged wearing a bathing suit. My OCD will not allow me to put on clothing while I'm still dripping wet in a steam-filled bathroom.)
Another major thing about the house-buying experience that got to me was not having enough money on my own to afford the house that I really wanted. I fell in love with two of the homes I put in offers on, two were okay enough to settle for, and the last one ... well, you can go back through last years' posts and read about what a nightmare that one turned out to be. The problem with the homes I did fall in love with was one had foundation issues which were not going to pass the mortgage requirements, and the other I was beaten out by a better offer, even after maxing out my mortgage buying limit. If you've ever tried for a mortgage, you know that they tend to offer what they are maximally willing to offer you, but if you have good credit then it's almost always about 1/5 more than what you can truly feel comfortable paying towards. They just feel assured that even if you have to eat ramen forever, you'll still somehow manage to pay it off. So, that gives you an idea of how much I liked that house that I was willing to maximize my mortgage into a monthly payment range that I probably wouldn't have been comfortable with until I had a couple more pay raises at work. I had a 95% chance feeling that I wasn't offering enough to get the house, as it was a multiple-offer foreclosure situation, but I still had to try. It met all of my basic requirements and most of my add-on preferences and was a damn good solid house from what I could tell.
Another worry was that I was willing to have a roommate, and there were a couple of potential roommates on the table, but my overly budget-conscious mind couldn't accept the idea of having to rely on a roommate that I couldn't guarantee would still be around in a year or two's time. I'm a security nut when it comes to my decisions. They need to be safe and solid. I can take risks, but for the most part any sort of inkling in my mind that the decision isn't perfectly sound tends to rankle me heavily. Add to that the importance of buying a home, and that rankle-ness turns into full-on paranoia.
The final issue was simply the matter of accepting that I never pictured buying a home to be something I did on my own. I always imagined it would be an experience I would be sharing with the love of my life, either on track to get married or already married. I can't help being a hopeless romantic, but those romantic thoughts sure do get torn into pieces when reality hits you across the side of your face. It wasn't bad enough picturing myself being a hermit, but picturing myself being a LONELY hermit did me in. That was the part that really sparked my email to my roommates when I finally went under contract. The idea of buying a house equated to the idea of my heart breaking into a million pieces. It represented an unhappiness that I couldn't bear to look at. How could something as wonderful as buying a house equal something so awful? That's why I was having such a hard time reconciling things in my mind about the whole shebang. (Really, dictionary? You don't have "ramen" built-in, but you have "shebang" built-in? Anyway...)
So, yeah, that's kind of my summary of the issues I need to deal with between now and when I plan on looking at houses again. I think my biggest one is my fear of becoming a full-on hermit. If I'm honest with myself, I know I never will be, but I still need to be in a different mindset about the whole thing before I go looking again (and yeah, having a roommate would get rid of that worry with a quickness).
I'm glad I got these thoughts out, but shit, did it have to come up in the middle of the freaking night?
I finally realize what it was about the home-buying experience that threw me so far for a loop, and it's a combination of worries.
I'm a social creature by nature, but I rotate between hermitting and socializing so distinctly. I can never do only one or the other, but when I'm doing one or the other, I'm usually doing it gung-ho. When I pictured buying a house, I pictured disappearing into obscurity. I pictured never seeing my friends again and never having money to go out again. As a friend recently commented, I would pauper myself trying to drag other people out to dinners and events if I could. Whenever I can help out with friends, it's usually in the realm of money matters, although not always. Money has never been an object for me, and I've never really made a decision based strictly on money.
I always said that I would only ever go in to debt for a car, a house, and for school. (I need to add medical to that list, as one never really knows what medical emergencies might come up.) Technically, even with recent events, I'm still following that mantra as the car repairs being put on the credit card still fall under one of my three reasons for going into debt. I even announced that I knew I was putting myself at risk of not being able to cover an emergency when I paid off the car. I just decided that the risk of having an emergency in the next few months was worth not having to pay interest on the car note for the next year, and getting the car paid off was part of my overall budget plan for saving for a house. I was keenly aware that if I desperately needed the money, my good credit would allow me to get an emergency signature loan through my bank. Technically, it's my good credit that allows me to have a no-limit credit card now, so even a signature loan wouldn't have been necessary.
I've lived on my own once before, although I was only living on my own for about 8-9 months before my boyfriend at the time moved in with me. It was when I chose to get my own apartment "on campus" in order to go to school full time. At the time, I only had two friends that I saw sporadically, and my only true concern was that I was leaving behind my 2 year old nephew. I still visited my parents every weekend for laundry, so I got to see him then, but that decision has always been a slight point of contention for me, even though my nephew had never really been my responsibility.
Living on my own and making friends at school was easy. It's amazing how quickly you can gather a group of starving students at your home when you offer to cook for them. :) I also knew my neighbors and we'd have occasional cookouts, general hangouts, or my frat-boy neighbors would have the occasion kegger (along with frat pledges assigned to keeping the "cool neighbor's" glass from ever getting empty). The frat guys also had a really awesome poker/dinning table that I coveted. Once they found out how much I love playing Texas Hold-Em, I was invited over for poker nights pretty often as well. (I was the one with the best clay chip set.)
Mom was honestly concerned about me living on my own when I moved out that time. She was worried that I would do exactly what I picture buying a home will do to my social life now. She worried that I would go crazy being there all by myself and never having anyone around to talk to. Luckily, I was on a school campus and attending classes and lab, so it was easy to adapt. When I needed to hermit, there was the door I could close to block out the rest of the world, and I tell ya, that was damn near priceless. Even now I can close the door to my room, but there's still roommates I can hear, and it's not like I can run into the kitchen naked if my heart so desires. (I did catch Kevin once in the kitchen back at the old apartment wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, which was quite a hilarious moment for us. And admittedly, I warned everyone that given the layout of the apartment, I would always be emerging from the bathroom wearing a towel, but that still covered more skin than if I had emerged wearing a bathing suit. My OCD will not allow me to put on clothing while I'm still dripping wet in a steam-filled bathroom.)
Another major thing about the house-buying experience that got to me was not having enough money on my own to afford the house that I really wanted. I fell in love with two of the homes I put in offers on, two were okay enough to settle for, and the last one ... well, you can go back through last years' posts and read about what a nightmare that one turned out to be. The problem with the homes I did fall in love with was one had foundation issues which were not going to pass the mortgage requirements, and the other I was beaten out by a better offer, even after maxing out my mortgage buying limit. If you've ever tried for a mortgage, you know that they tend to offer what they are maximally willing to offer you, but if you have good credit then it's almost always about 1/5 more than what you can truly feel comfortable paying towards. They just feel assured that even if you have to eat ramen forever, you'll still somehow manage to pay it off. So, that gives you an idea of how much I liked that house that I was willing to maximize my mortgage into a monthly payment range that I probably wouldn't have been comfortable with until I had a couple more pay raises at work. I had a 95% chance feeling that I wasn't offering enough to get the house, as it was a multiple-offer foreclosure situation, but I still had to try. It met all of my basic requirements and most of my add-on preferences and was a damn good solid house from what I could tell.
Another worry was that I was willing to have a roommate, and there were a couple of potential roommates on the table, but my overly budget-conscious mind couldn't accept the idea of having to rely on a roommate that I couldn't guarantee would still be around in a year or two's time. I'm a security nut when it comes to my decisions. They need to be safe and solid. I can take risks, but for the most part any sort of inkling in my mind that the decision isn't perfectly sound tends to rankle me heavily. Add to that the importance of buying a home, and that rankle-ness turns into full-on paranoia.
The final issue was simply the matter of accepting that I never pictured buying a home to be something I did on my own. I always imagined it would be an experience I would be sharing with the love of my life, either on track to get married or already married. I can't help being a hopeless romantic, but those romantic thoughts sure do get torn into pieces when reality hits you across the side of your face. It wasn't bad enough picturing myself being a hermit, but picturing myself being a LONELY hermit did me in. That was the part that really sparked my email to my roommates when I finally went under contract. The idea of buying a house equated to the idea of my heart breaking into a million pieces. It represented an unhappiness that I couldn't bear to look at. How could something as wonderful as buying a house equal something so awful? That's why I was having such a hard time reconciling things in my mind about the whole shebang. (Really, dictionary? You don't have "ramen" built-in, but you have "shebang" built-in? Anyway...)
So, yeah, that's kind of my summary of the issues I need to deal with between now and when I plan on looking at houses again. I think my biggest one is my fear of becoming a full-on hermit. If I'm honest with myself, I know I never will be, but I still need to be in a different mindset about the whole thing before I go looking again (and yeah, having a roommate would get rid of that worry with a quickness).
I'm glad I got these thoughts out, but shit, did it have to come up in the middle of the freaking night?
