Breakthrough Corollary

[trickykitty]

I'm figuring out that it's okay for me to run away as well if I need to.

I wasn't ready for date guy, any more than he was ready for me.

I wasn't ready to casually date someone. I haven't been for a while.

I've been so scared of getting older by myself and alone that I've forgotten what it feels like to live without worry. Every time I've gotten into a relationship situation with someone over the past few years, I've almost instantaneously gone straight into worrying about losing the person the moment things start getting fun. That's when I latch on for dear life while the other person is going, "Woah. Wait a minute. What the hell is this? Slow down." That fear and worry is causing some dramatic havoc in my life.

I need to take a step away from this, and it pains my mind to do so. There's that fear and worry that stepping away will be "the end" for whatever version of the end my brain thinks is going to occur. I hate letting go of things once I've found them. I hate letting go of date guy, but if I were to continue on the way I have been, I'd just make him miserable.

Like I mentioned before, I've lost myself, and I need to find her again.