Good point. There are times to bring attention to the words being used, but there are other times when it's the reason for the words that are important.
I've learned from reading a book on communication recently that my default is to focus on the semantics and rhetoric rather than the human, emotional part of the conversation. That side of the equation is difficult for me to follow and be a part of, so it's easier to ignore it. Unfortunately, in the past it meant someone making a kind gesture by saying thank you using their religious terminology would have stirred up all kinds of negativity from me, because yeah, I would have turned it around and made it about me and how I am not religious, and therefore the other person shouldn't be using such terms with me. That's not communication - that's a lecture - and I've been noticing how much I'm prone to that after reading about my communication style in that book.
Practicing paying attention to the emotional side of communication is so very difficult for me. I'm trying to find a new balance between my default communication and being able to be more ... uh, the opposite, really. Yeah, it's a work in progress.
Being yourself has implications beyond just communicating. It's not just poly that gets tamped down. Anytime you'd prefer to kick your shoes off versus dressing up in a monkey suit to go to work, that's normal, but society says we have to conform for certain situations if we wish to not get put into a loony bin or jail. It's amazing how much being told to be yourself is actually about being told to follow the rules so that you fit in with your chosen group, whether it be friends, work, neighbors, etc.
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Date: 2012-11-12 01:34 pm (UTC)Good point. There are times to bring attention to the words being used, but there are other times when it's the reason for the words that are important.
I've learned from reading a book on communication recently that my default is to focus on the semantics and rhetoric rather than the human, emotional part of the conversation. That side of the equation is difficult for me to follow and be a part of, so it's easier to ignore it. Unfortunately, in the past it meant someone making a kind gesture by saying thank you using their religious terminology would have stirred up all kinds of negativity from me, because yeah, I would have turned it around and made it about me and how I am not religious, and therefore the other person shouldn't be using such terms with me. That's not communication - that's a lecture - and I've been noticing how much I'm prone to that after reading about my communication style in that book.
Practicing paying attention to the emotional side of communication is so very difficult for me. I'm trying to find a new balance between my default communication and being able to be more ... uh, the opposite, really. Yeah, it's a work in progress.
Being yourself has implications beyond just communicating. It's not just poly that gets tamped down. Anytime you'd prefer to kick your shoes off versus dressing up in a monkey suit to go to work, that's normal, but society says we have to conform for certain situations if we wish to not get put into a loony bin or jail. It's amazing how much being told to be yourself is actually about being told to follow the rules so that you fit in with your chosen group, whether it be friends, work, neighbors, etc.