trickykitty | Naked Not

Entry tags:

thoughtful

Naked Not

Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities.
- C. S. Lewis

It would seem that the reality of the world is that I shouldn't speak everything so nakedly, meaning openly and bluntly. People's feelings will get hurt. Yet it feels wrong to not be able to be so open when communicating, to have to tailor speech to account for the state of others.

I'm not ashamed. Adam and Eve were naked in the Garden of Eden, weren't they? When they sinned, they put on clothes.
- Bettie Page (character), in The Notorious Bettie Page

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I always loved this line from the recent remake of Pride and Prejudice:

Elizabeth: I wonder who discovered the power of poetry in driving away love.
Mr. Darcy: I thought poetry was the food of love.
Elizabeth: Of a fine, stout love. But if it is only a vague inclination, one poor sonnet will kill it.

I don't remember it being in the book, but I could be wrong.

Transparency is something needs to be developed between people. You don't start out with that level of intimacy, ever. There are far to many nooks and crevices in a personality to discover it quickly.
And having transparency with someone is something that must be constantly tended. It's far easier to bare your soul to a casual friend than it is to someone who's opinion truly matters to you, because their judgments are far more impactful to your ego.

It can be just as hurtful to give too much information as it can be to not give enough. It's a balancing act. In the end, people bounce. We're remarkably resilient that way.

You might also look into the book "Crucial Conversations." It deals with both business and personal confrontations, though more focused on business.

Another LJ friend posted this the other day.

I did snort, verily.

(it was totally a lady-like snort, too.)

One of the things I'm still working on as it regards to social communications:

Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?

I can tell when my mind is settled versus when it's racing forward without me, usually covered in at least a small layer of gunk.

Thoughts are made of words, but not all words are thoughtful.

My all time favorite mantras for life: In the joints there are spaces and the blade has no thickness.
bastardized from The Dexterous Butcher
http://www.bopsecrets.org/gateway/passages/chuang-tzu.htm

It's pretty easy to slam yourself into life. To let your ego get the better of you. Insist the world bend to your will.

It's far more effective to take a step back, shelve your preconceptions and then feel out the hard parts that won't move and the soft spots where you can slide right through.

For a real life example watch a cat sometime in a new environment. They walk cautiously, suspicious, poking their nose gently into everything. They'll sit and watch the environment for hours. Memorizing.
They mentally map out their world then when the mood strikes they can vault through it with ease.

Just watch out for those invisible walls. They hurt like a bitch when you smack into them at full tilt.

[edit] what the hell with the formatting issue?

Unfortunately, I keep forgetting how to bring that advice to the forefront of my brain when I really need it most. A year and a half later, and I'm still jumping head first into a long sonnet before the poet has even cleared his throat.

I really wish I could figure out why I'm so damned clingy right off the bat when trying to date someone. I wonder when I became so desperate that I hold tightly like Elmyra obsessing over a pet in Tiny Toons.

Not expecting a response - mostly giving thanks, again, for this advice you gave a while back.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only