Nicole (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
trickykitty) wrote2011-08-16 07:43 pm
trickykitty) wrote2011-08-16 07:43 pm
Entry tags:
The Fountain - Addendum
I want to add a little something to my previous Fountain post.
I gave the example of understanding that the smoke alarm is not the problem, but the smoke causing the alarm is. Likewise emotions are not the problem, but underlying issues are.
I want to add an extra layer of distinction. Going back to the smoke alarm example, let's say that someone was cooking, and their cooking caught fire. The smoke and fire are the immediate problems setting off the alarm. It's important to take care of or otherwise get away from the flames, which will alleviate the immediate danger. However, the smoke and fire is not the long-term problem, the primary issue that really needs to be addressed. Finding out what caused the fire is important for preventing smoke alarms going off in the future. Having someone cook that's going to keep catching things on fire is the main underlying issue.
Maybe it was a one-off and you know it's never going to happen again. Issue solved, or technically, there's really no issue to begin with. However, maybe this person has a habit of trying to burn down the kitchen once a week, once a month, or even once a year. Do you want to chance it? Maybe it's your bestest-best friend ever, and you will feel bad if you bring up the subject. Maybe it's not your best friend, but you still have to address it with the person, and you worry about how they will respond. Therein lies the underlying problem. There is something to be addressed well after the alarm has been silenced and the flames have been smothered. If it's not addressed, you can be pretty sure that it will happen again in the future, and the next time the flames may rage out of control.
The analogy can now be carried over into discussing emotions.
A stimulus causes the emotions, and it's usually something simple and basic, and very easy to pick up on. For example, I might not like someone, and when that someone walks into the room I start to get upset. Basic cause and effect, and quite easy for me to identify. I leave the room or they eventually leave the room, and I am no longer upset. However, the cause [smoke/presence of person] and my emotional reactions [alarm/upset] are neither the underlying issue [bad cooking/why does their presence bother me?] that I need to deal with. There's something else. In this example, I need to address why I don't like this person and fix it until it is no longer an issue. Otherwise, every time I see this person I'm going to become upset, and future interactions with this person may cause worse iterations in my level of being upset to the point that one day I snap.
I find that many of the underlying problems involve personal insecurities. Please note that I did not specify between warranted and unwarranted insecurities. If a woman was raped by a man, she has a warranted fear of that man being in her presence. Fixing it, in her mind, may mean going to therapy (change her perspective), talking with him to find out he's a different person than he was then (change her perspective), shooting him (change what she's doing), or moving to another state (change what she's doing). It doesn't matter if the insecurity is warranted or unwarranted. Something being "all in your mind" doesn't make it any less valid.
"Turn off the pain, either by changing your perception or changing what you're doing."
Just as how dealing with the emotion alone will not help in the long run, neither will dealing only with the cause. Look for the underlying issue - that's the monster hiding behind that door. That's what needs to be addressed.
I gave the example of understanding that the smoke alarm is not the problem, but the smoke causing the alarm is. Likewise emotions are not the problem, but underlying issues are.
I want to add an extra layer of distinction. Going back to the smoke alarm example, let's say that someone was cooking, and their cooking caught fire. The smoke and fire are the immediate problems setting off the alarm. It's important to take care of or otherwise get away from the flames, which will alleviate the immediate danger. However, the smoke and fire is not the long-term problem, the primary issue that really needs to be addressed. Finding out what caused the fire is important for preventing smoke alarms going off in the future. Having someone cook that's going to keep catching things on fire is the main underlying issue.
Maybe it was a one-off and you know it's never going to happen again. Issue solved, or technically, there's really no issue to begin with. However, maybe this person has a habit of trying to burn down the kitchen once a week, once a month, or even once a year. Do you want to chance it? Maybe it's your bestest-best friend ever, and you will feel bad if you bring up the subject. Maybe it's not your best friend, but you still have to address it with the person, and you worry about how they will respond. Therein lies the underlying problem. There is something to be addressed well after the alarm has been silenced and the flames have been smothered. If it's not addressed, you can be pretty sure that it will happen again in the future, and the next time the flames may rage out of control.
The analogy can now be carried over into discussing emotions.
A stimulus causes the emotions, and it's usually something simple and basic, and very easy to pick up on. For example, I might not like someone, and when that someone walks into the room I start to get upset. Basic cause and effect, and quite easy for me to identify. I leave the room or they eventually leave the room, and I am no longer upset. However, the cause [smoke/presence of person] and my emotional reactions [alarm/upset] are neither the underlying issue [bad cooking/why does their presence bother me?] that I need to deal with. There's something else. In this example, I need to address why I don't like this person and fix it until it is no longer an issue. Otherwise, every time I see this person I'm going to become upset, and future interactions with this person may cause worse iterations in my level of being upset to the point that one day I snap.
I find that many of the underlying problems involve personal insecurities. Please note that I did not specify between warranted and unwarranted insecurities. If a woman was raped by a man, she has a warranted fear of that man being in her presence. Fixing it, in her mind, may mean going to therapy (change her perspective), talking with him to find out he's a different person than he was then (change her perspective), shooting him (change what she's doing), or moving to another state (change what she's doing). It doesn't matter if the insecurity is warranted or unwarranted. Something being "all in your mind" doesn't make it any less valid.
"Turn off the pain, either by changing your perception or changing what you're doing."
Just as how dealing with the emotion alone will not help in the long run, neither will dealing only with the cause. Look for the underlying issue - that's the monster hiding behind that door. That's what needs to be addressed.