Woe Is Me

[trickykitty]

I hate my job. I know it like the back of my hand, but I absolutely despise it.

Why can't I ever be content to stay somewhere? I manage to put up with something for about a year and then I just get completely bored. I have to move on. Some people find this strange in me because I tend to be so damned patient and amicable.

I miss flying. I still don't want to be a pilot.

Maybe I should take up cooking. When I was looking at schools I was going back and fourth between the pilot school and a culinary school. Obviously pilot school won out in that decision.

This can't be healthy for my long-term retirement outlook.

I keep thinking that I need to stop and figure out who I am. Maybe this is it, though. Maybe I'm destined to throw myself into the flames on the regular occasion.

This place is killing me slowly.

I miss myself sometimes. Now is one of those.

Comments

Or maybe you're just having a bad day

[40hex.livejournal.com]

There's a distinction between "not liking your job" and "not wanting to go to work". I like my job; it's cushy, but that doesn't mean I want to get up and go to work in the morning. Quite the opposite most mornings.

If you actually don't like your job though; that's bad. You don't have any other ideas? Career plans? Or have they gone awry?

Re: Or maybe you're just having a bad day

[trickykitty.livejournal.com]

I'm beginning to think that by turning an interest into a school research career will actually kill any momentum that I once had for it. School has gone horribly awry (I like that word). I find that my interest in AI revolves around my own enjoyment of it outside of work. I can talk about it for hours, read books about it, watch shows, etc. But when it comes to the grind that is a master's or PhD program and the pressure of getting results, I want to bury my head in the sand.

There's a lot going on besides just those two (work and school) and it's twisting my world inside-out right now.

Re: Or maybe you're just having a bad day

[40hex.livejournal.com]

If there's other stuff going on then now is not a good time to be making big decisions - clear out the rest of your life first. I'm starting to do the same thing myself; I have too much going on and need to wrap a few things up so I can get to the point where decision making is easier.

I had a similar thing at uni - I was locked into a Statistics major which turned out to be nowhere near as interesting as I'd hoped. In the end I finished up the bare minimum to get my degree, but did a ton of more interesting computing subjects as a minor. I even did first year philosophy as a filler in third year; fascinating stuff for a total science geek like me.

Re: Or maybe you're just having a bad day

[trickykitty.livejournal.com]

Technically speaking, I already have a minor in business (the result of following an accounting degree that became horribly boring). I have 5 math classes and a thesis class left to get a Bachelor of Science, but only the thesis class left to get the Bachelor of Arts. I'm trying to work out which way to go. It's been drilled into my head that I should go the full way with school, but many things have changed over the years. I'm now sort of scared of a life that hasn't been pre-packaged and handed to me. High school didn't teach me about finding my own way because the honors curriculum is pretty much laid out for you. Just add water, or in this case a couple of easy-A electives. Needless to say, I'm scared of not following the school path that has always been expected of me.

Re: Or maybe you're just having a bad day

[40hex.livejournal.com]

Don't be scared of following the obvious path - it won't be anything like what you expect anyway :)

I'd say you should finish what you started; I have a few friends who went all the way through primary school, high school, uni, then with like 4 subjects or one semester to go said "screw this, I've had it". It seems silly to me to spend 15 years studying and get so close to completing a degree, then giving up with six months to go.

Re: Or maybe you're just having a bad day

[trickykitty.livejournal.com]

I just realized that something you said might be the cause of a lot of my anxiety.

I'm not sure that I've ever really finished anything in regards to school. I've been going at it for so long. It's like a prisoner who has been stuck in prison society for so long (imagine a sentence of 20 or 40 years) that he would prefer to just stay in prison than to have to go out and face the changing world.

Re: Or maybe you're just having a bad day

[40hex.livejournal.com]

So don't go out and face the word - become an academic and stay a student forever. I'm trying to coax isotripy down this path at the moment; she's just finished her honors and is applying for the PhD program.

The business world sucks majorly; especially coming from an academic background - I never ceased to be amazed at the corners that are cut in business. In university (especially mathematics) everything has to be done properly, rigorously. In business everything has to be done profitably - profit, profit, profit, and doing things properly is a distant third after doing things politically (office politics is appalling sometimes).

From my point of view as a mathematician this offends me - I'll go to my boss and say "this is the way it should be done" (properly) and he'll say "Yes, but this is the way we're going to do it because it will save us X dollars" (profit). Then a year later it will all implode and have to be done again because it wasn't done properly the first time, but in the meantime it's kept the stock price from plunging for another year.

Right business decision, but my lecturer would have failed me.

[reneat.livejournal.com]

I agree with the whole finding yourself thing. If you miss yourself so much maybe you should spend some time alone. Just a thought.

[trickykitty.livejournal.com]

Maybe I just wish that I was someone else. Sort of "the grass is greener" type thing.

[trickykitty.livejournal.com]

Note my responses to 40hex. I think that my "self" has somehow been lost in the school system.

Maybe you could be a flying cook?

[corzican.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't that just be the ultimate in catering?

Re: Maybe you could be a flying cook?

[trickykitty.livejournal.com]

I keep wondering if the life of a stewardess (fuck political correctness) is ever enjoyable. I've heard that once you actually get into the business it sucks.

Re: Maybe you could be a flying cook?

[corzican.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guess that would be a flying cook as well. I was thinking more along the lines of coming in a helicopter, bringing in your food for fancy dinners, and being paid well for it.