Return to Insanity
Oct. 23rd, 2005 10:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trickykittyI stopped writing a few years back. I want to say it's been something like 5-7 years now. I destroyed all of my work. Notebooks upon notebooks filled and then gone.Only a couple of items managed to survive my little catharsis.
Of all the pieces, one poem never should have been in that stack. I can never get it back and any writer will tell you that a piece can never be recreated. The moment in which a writing is born only exists at that moment, after which the words could never be the same.
I thought about that poem last night and the events in my life that transpired immediately after the time frame the poem had captured. I'm not sure if I was awake or asleep when I thought of it. Most likely in that strange place where the two worlds collide. Suddenly new words were pouring into my brain.
* * * * *
The sound of screeching tires was never heard. That would have defeated the purpose.
* * * * *
Nothingness. Here eyes were coming in to focus. Allowing light to trickle back in. It was still quite dark. She looks down at her lap and sees the ring laying on her leg. It is the most important piece of the puzzle. The forces of impact do odd things to objects. She reaches down and places the ring back on her finger. This will save her. No. That's not it....This will show her. That's better.
* * * * *
The lights are bright and yelling into her eyes. The head so properly secured to the backboard. There is not much movement allowed as she tries to look around at the people. They look like they're moving at warp speed around her. IV's are felt in both arms and the catheter gives her a constant peeing sensation. The shirt had to be cut off so that heart monitors could be stuck to her chest. Her feet are freezing. It hurts to breathe.
* * * * *
"Stay awake - You have to stay awake"
* * * * *
Oh God - reality - the parent are here. Only a shock of terror on their faces. But that was enough.
* * * * *
They had used the "jaws of life" to force the door open. The steering wheel was 3 inches from her chest. There was a fifty foot drop just through the window onto the highway. The fire in the engine had managed to put itself out before reaching the fuel lines. The front tires had popped but the car managed to stay a steady course rather than jumping into the air and flipping onto the freeway. She wore her seat belt. At one time she would have told you the ring was an option. Putting the ring back on allowed her to live. But none of this is going through her head yet. Not until a few days have passed. And even years later she will still be working things out about that night.
* * * * *
The hum is loud enough to awaken the dead yet steady enough to put her into a lull. She hasn't felt it yet for the neck brace is still on and she can't move her arms, but the knot on her forehead is starting to look like a golf ball that was once implanted in her skull and is now forcing its way out. The MRI does it's thing.
* * * * *
She doesn't remember getting moved to the wheel chair. The orderly drives her to the restroom and what should be a quick trip takes 30 minutes. She tries to stand and hold herself up but the pain in her chest prevents it. The internal bruising has begun and will continue for the next two months. Her range of movement will eventually return and the bump on the head will flatten. The bruises will fade. At least all but one.
* * * * *
The ring was lost a few years later. But not the reason for putting it back on. She wishes she had never touched it.
Of all the pieces, one poem never should have been in that stack. I can never get it back and any writer will tell you that a piece can never be recreated. The moment in which a writing is born only exists at that moment, after which the words could never be the same.
I thought about that poem last night and the events in my life that transpired immediately after the time frame the poem had captured. I'm not sure if I was awake or asleep when I thought of it. Most likely in that strange place where the two worlds collide. Suddenly new words were pouring into my brain.
* * * * *
The sound of screeching tires was never heard. That would have defeated the purpose.
* * * * *
Nothingness. Here eyes were coming in to focus. Allowing light to trickle back in. It was still quite dark. She looks down at her lap and sees the ring laying on her leg. It is the most important piece of the puzzle. The forces of impact do odd things to objects. She reaches down and places the ring back on her finger. This will save her. No. That's not it....This will show her. That's better.
* * * * *
The lights are bright and yelling into her eyes. The head so properly secured to the backboard. There is not much movement allowed as she tries to look around at the people. They look like they're moving at warp speed around her. IV's are felt in both arms and the catheter gives her a constant peeing sensation. The shirt had to be cut off so that heart monitors could be stuck to her chest. Her feet are freezing. It hurts to breathe.
* * * * *
"Stay awake - You have to stay awake"
* * * * *
Oh God - reality - the parent are here. Only a shock of terror on their faces. But that was enough.
* * * * *
They had used the "jaws of life" to force the door open. The steering wheel was 3 inches from her chest. There was a fifty foot drop just through the window onto the highway. The fire in the engine had managed to put itself out before reaching the fuel lines. The front tires had popped but the car managed to stay a steady course rather than jumping into the air and flipping onto the freeway. She wore her seat belt. At one time she would have told you the ring was an option. Putting the ring back on allowed her to live. But none of this is going through her head yet. Not until a few days have passed. And even years later she will still be working things out about that night.
* * * * *
The hum is loud enough to awaken the dead yet steady enough to put her into a lull. She hasn't felt it yet for the neck brace is still on and she can't move her arms, but the knot on her forehead is starting to look like a golf ball that was once implanted in her skull and is now forcing its way out. The MRI does it's thing.
* * * * *
She doesn't remember getting moved to the wheel chair. The orderly drives her to the restroom and what should be a quick trip takes 30 minutes. She tries to stand and hold herself up but the pain in her chest prevents it. The internal bruising has begun and will continue for the next two months. Her range of movement will eventually return and the bump on the head will flatten. The bruises will fade. At least all but one.
* * * * *
The ring was lost a few years later. But not the reason for putting it back on. She wishes she had never touched it.
