trickykitty | I Find You're Here

I refuse to be in a bad mood. What I want more than anything is a smile on my face.

I need to deal with things on a regular basis on my own. It's not fair to always rely on someone else to make it all go away. Only you can make yourself happy. At least, that's what they keep telling me. As much as certain people in this world can make me feel like a pretty princess, the smile has to come from inside when those people aren't around. Even then, I'd like to keep the smile going for their sake, because many times they need me to smile more than I need to smile for myself. I just hope that my own smile can somehow help them get back to their own happy place.

Instead of a massive to-do list, I figure perhaps I should create a things-I-would-like-to-do list. This should help my mind set for this evening, considering I have nothing better to do (other than all those things that would otherwise be listed on the to-do list that I'm not listing here). More than anything, I need things that I can do so that I can become comfortable being in my own skin right now. There are people out there that I want to make proud and that I want to be proud of me, but it starts in here, being proud of myself.

I was on a roll gathering up all of the company stuff and getting forms worked on for my organizing company. I still want to re-work the company logo so that when things like phone numbers change I can easily update it. As it is, the logo is one entire pic that can't easily be edited. I also need to hand the box of organizing magazines back over to my mom and make her go through them. She's the one accumulating them, not me.

I've started picking up books again. Reading books. Books that I get to read for fun and enjoyment and not some form of research paper. I would like to start making regular trips to the bookstores again. Grab a coffee, purchase a book, sit around reading for a few hours. Mmmmm. Mocha Cappuccino, although Eileen has been working on getting me hooked on the Caramel Machiato. She's doing a swell job of it, but that mocha will always have a special place close to my heart (which would be in my stomach).

I have a stack of PC games sitting on my desk gathering dust. What's up with that? I need to rectify this situation.

I miss being able to walk from one side of my room to the other without having to do a balancing act on, of all things, the carpet. The carpet should not exist as a tight rope. I'm not a clown, I don't have a parasol in my hand, and I enjoy sashaying instead of stubbing toes on stacks and stacks of ... what the hell is all of this stuff in here, anyway?

Gaining weight to the point that my previous corset no longer fits means having to devise a new outfit for a visit to Scarby. I can put a button on a jacket, but that's about the extent of my sewing abilities. A new top I purchased at the Irish Fest doesn't have an underwire and I think that top is my best option. Besides, it's cute and sexy as hell and I really do want to be able to wear it around this summer season. I can create neural networks but I can't manage a top that allows my boobs to fall. HELP!

Damn it. Even making a things-I-would-like-to-do list is a little stressful. I think I'll go make a cup of tea and read a book in the living room. Or go jogging. Oooooh, tennis or swimming would be nice. Or playing my piano. You people go and play your FPSs and I'll go pound on some ivories. I bet I break a sweat before you.