The End

[trickykitty]

I keep having morbid thoughts like, "What if I was diagnosed with terminal cancer and had only a couple of months to live?"

How would I spend my time? What would I do differently that I'm not doing now? What regrets would I have? What regrets would only be there if I had a known shorter life span versus it not currently being a regret simply because I believe that there's still more time available? It's like when I tell myself that only time can tell, and so it's not a regret yet because of the belief in the existence of a future me that will learn that ultimate truth.

I hope this thought doesn't shadow it's way into my dreams tonight.

Comments

[tagancalera.livejournal.com]

Idea - live life like you WERE going to die and you'll have lived your life better for longer. Its better than waiting until the last minute.

[trickykitty.livejournal.com]

The problem with that mentality is that if I were to live like that I wouldn't bother with school and I wouldn't bother with wanting a long-term relationship and a house and a retirement fund. If I knew I was going to die in say a month, I would expect to steal certain friends for a day or two away from work and be able to spend as much time with them as possible. I would spend a lot of cash very quickly doing fun and exciting activities knowing that my life insurance will take care of the major bills once I'm gone.

You see, I live my life as though there WILL be a tomorrow and that I'll live to be 100, or at least 80 considering that my family is very long-lived provided that they take care of themselves. This is why the thought of very close mortality scares me. You can live like there's no tomorrow, but there are consequences for such behavior.

This is why I have the following poem on my LJ info page and have it printed out and laminated as a regular reminder:

"There is really nothing you must be,
And there is nothing you must do.
There is really nothing you must have,
And there is nothing you must know.

There is nothing you must become.

However,
It helps to understand that fire burns,
And when it rains the earth gets wet."

- Author Unknown