In Which I Rant A Little Bit More
Feb. 17th, 2008 01:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trickykittyThis class is an absolute fucking joke given the supposedly senior-level paper we are required to write. As I've mentioned before, we have to cite the class text within our paper. I was also told in this past class that it is HIGHLY recommended that I include the word "holistic" in my paper.
I have a grading rubric for every single section of the paper which go so far as to tell me what exactly should be in each paragraph of each section.
I finally started reading the supposed grade-A-level paper that our teacher has given us as a sample to follow.
...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Here's the first few paragraphs of the introduction section of the paper which I swear a 12 year old could have written better than this unnamed college grad did. (I've included original italic and bold font as well as grammar and punctuation. [t] means a tab is there since they for some reason don't want to show up in the lj-cut, and yes, one paragraph has two tabs.)
And my paper is supposed to sound like THIS??
EDIT: I dare to see how long you can last reading this. Also,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
channonyarrow, please for the love of all that is unholy, do not click. I know you've seen worse, but I know that your head will just explode and at least your job pays you for such damages, whereas I have no moneys to give.
Introduction
[t]Obesity is one of the most alarming health challenges of the 21st Century and while it is a very visible problem it is currently one of the most ignored problems. Obesity in children has rapidly increased in the last two decades reaching epidemic proportions. The number of cases in the past twenty years of childhood obesity has increased from 4% to 30% and it is this sharp incline that signifies we are on the verge of a public health crisis with regard to obesity and children in the United States (Philippas & Lo, 2005, p. 32).
[t]This problem is of importance because it effects the future generation of America. According to current trends, today’s generation of children will be the first in the past one hundred years to have a shorter life expectancy than their parent’s generation. Childhood obesity poses two types of health risks, an immediate one and a long term one. There is an immediate health risk to children who are obese because it produces hypertension, diabetes, asthma, and congestive heart failure or heart arrhythmias; while there are other conditions that are linked to childhood obesity these are the most serious because they can lead to death. Childhood obesity also has long term health risks that carry over into adulthood as chronic diseases that affect the heart, kidney, liver and even reproductive organs, thereby severely decreasing their quality of life as an adult. Childhood obesity impacts a child’s capability to learn and thus their education suffers possibly limiting their professional potential as an adult. Finely, childhood obesity and the role it plays in creating health issues will adversely impact our economy as health care cost increase to treat the increased number of unhealthy people resulting from obesity.
[t][t]Preventing obesity is complex because historically, obesity has been considered just a problem with over eating, when in reality there are several other factors that influence obesity and will be addressed in this paper. The normal consequences of weight gain are achieved by a person consuming more calories than their body expends, this results in the excess calories being stored in the body as fat. While the energy intake, or calories consumed depends solely on quantity and quality of dietary consumption, the energy expenditure is dependant on several components. It is this multidimensional nature of the occurrence of obesity that gives way to approaching this problem, with an interdisciplinary mindset. The process of addressing this topic will require the knowledge base and perspective of more than one discipline. By using the interdisciplinary process we will be able to draw on various disciplinary perspectives and integrate their insights to achieve a holistic solution to childhood obesity (Repko, 2005, p. 112).
[t]A range of disciplines could be explored to determine critical factors pertaining to childhood obesity; some of them are biology, sociology, economics, health education and the educational system. This paper will focus on what early elementary school education can do to help decrease childhood obesity in the United States. Therefore we will examine the following three disciplines relevant to this topic: biology with sub-disciplines in medicine and nutrition, health education and the education system (as an applied science).
PS - I pretty much used what I had already written for the topic and just added an extra paragraph at the beginning. I still think my intro kicks ass compared to the junior high sample given above. Oh, and I was given a 9 out of 30 points for my intro according to the scoring rubric. Needless to say, I will not be posting any more of my paper here because I'm being forced to dumb it down so considerably that I am irked by the fact that I have to put my name to it.
I have a grading rubric for every single section of the paper which go so far as to tell me what exactly should be in each paragraph of each section.
I finally started reading the supposed grade-A-level paper that our teacher has given us as a sample to follow.
...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Here's the first few paragraphs of the introduction section of the paper which I swear a 12 year old could have written better than this unnamed college grad did. (I've included original italic and bold font as well as grammar and punctuation. [t] means a tab is there since they for some reason don't want to show up in the lj-cut, and yes, one paragraph has two tabs.)
And my paper is supposed to sound like THIS??
EDIT: I dare to see how long you can last reading this. Also,
channonyarrow, please for the love of all that is unholy, do not click. I know you've seen worse, but I know that your head will just explode and at least your job pays you for such damages, whereas I have no moneys to give.Introduction
[t]Obesity is one of the most alarming health challenges of the 21st Century and while it is a very visible problem it is currently one of the most ignored problems. Obesity in children has rapidly increased in the last two decades reaching epidemic proportions. The number of cases in the past twenty years of childhood obesity has increased from 4% to 30% and it is this sharp incline that signifies we are on the verge of a public health crisis with regard to obesity and children in the United States (Philippas & Lo, 2005, p. 32).
[t]This problem is of importance because it effects the future generation of America. According to current trends, today’s generation of children will be the first in the past one hundred years to have a shorter life expectancy than their parent’s generation. Childhood obesity poses two types of health risks, an immediate one and a long term one. There is an immediate health risk to children who are obese because it produces hypertension, diabetes, asthma, and congestive heart failure or heart arrhythmias; while there are other conditions that are linked to childhood obesity these are the most serious because they can lead to death. Childhood obesity also has long term health risks that carry over into adulthood as chronic diseases that affect the heart, kidney, liver and even reproductive organs, thereby severely decreasing their quality of life as an adult. Childhood obesity impacts a child’s capability to learn and thus their education suffers possibly limiting their professional potential as an adult. Finely, childhood obesity and the role it plays in creating health issues will adversely impact our economy as health care cost increase to treat the increased number of unhealthy people resulting from obesity.
[t][t]Preventing obesity is complex because historically, obesity has been considered just a problem with over eating, when in reality there are several other factors that influence obesity and will be addressed in this paper. The normal consequences of weight gain are achieved by a person consuming more calories than their body expends, this results in the excess calories being stored in the body as fat. While the energy intake, or calories consumed depends solely on quantity and quality of dietary consumption, the energy expenditure is dependant on several components. It is this multidimensional nature of the occurrence of obesity that gives way to approaching this problem, with an interdisciplinary mindset. The process of addressing this topic will require the knowledge base and perspective of more than one discipline. By using the interdisciplinary process we will be able to draw on various disciplinary perspectives and integrate their insights to achieve a holistic solution to childhood obesity (Repko, 2005, p. 112).
[t]A range of disciplines could be explored to determine critical factors pertaining to childhood obesity; some of them are biology, sociology, economics, health education and the educational system. This paper will focus on what early elementary school education can do to help decrease childhood obesity in the United States. Therefore we will examine the following three disciplines relevant to this topic: biology with sub-disciplines in medicine and nutrition, health education and the education system (as an applied science).
PS - I pretty much used what I had already written for the topic and just added an extra paragraph at the beginning. I still think my intro kicks ass compared to the junior high sample given above. Oh, and I was given a 9 out of 30 points for my intro according to the scoring rubric. Needless to say, I will not be posting any more of my paper here because I'm being forced to dumb it down so considerably that I am irked by the fact that I have to put my name to it.
You asked for it
Date: 2008-02-18 07:58 pm (UTC)