Misplaced Blame

[trickykitty]

From a HR newsletter that I received at work:

Article Title: Health & Wellness; How to Stay Young

Item #1 - Try everthing twice. On Madam's tombstone (of Whelan's and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice...loved it both times!

Item #3 - Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!


...I have so many comments to these two items it's ridiculous. I'll just leave it for everyone else to discuss.

Comments

[sexymathteacher.livejournal.com]

what an odd thing for work. was there a #2. and if you only try something twice, it's gonna be hard to not idle at least some of the time.

[trickykitty.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it was a list of things, but those two really stood out. Speaking of #2, it was a bit odd as well.

#2 - Keep only cheerful friends. (The grouches pull you down. Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches.)

I have issue with this one because a person's disposition doesn't make for good criteria on whether or not to keep someone as a friend. In fact, it seems to me, that the person that follows this rule will always be friendless and alone. The only things that keeps a person from being a friend in my mind is if they are backstabbing twats.

[the-paco.livejournal.com]

Item #1 - Try everything twice.

Things to try twice:
Prison sex.
Methamphetamines.
Loaded gun juggling.
Drano.
Unprotected hooker sex.
Skydiving without parachute.
Beating up the boss.
Beating the holy hell out of the stupid workplace morale team (aka 'Funster group', 'Employee Activity Group', 'Cheery ****ers', and 'those ******* who won't let me do my ****** job because I don't have enough 'flair' on and don't take nearly enough uppers to suit them') that came up with such stupid ideas as Item #1


Item #3 - Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

What I've learned (Ref list from Item #1)

1) Prison sex.
Prison sex hurts. A lot. In my no-no place.

2) Methamphetamines.
Meth is great. Really great. Whole lotta great. Unfortunately, meth leads to learning about 1. Meth does nothing good for the butt-cherry.

Loaded gun juggling.
Monkeys love watching it. One good foot left!

Drano.
It does NOT lead to a larger P3N1S. No matter what that email said.

Unprotected hooker sex.
That DOES lead to interesting colors coming out of it, so THAT email was correct.

Skydiving without parachute.
Aim correctly, land in hay. Aim poorly, gib cow. Pain leads to learning about 2, which leads to 1. Skydiving on cows leads to my poopy-hole getting a revolving door installed.

Beating up the boss.
Fun AND relaxing. Allows for more free time.

Beating the holy hell out of the stupid workplace morale team (aka 'Funster group', 'Employee Activity Group', 'Cheery fuckers', and 'those assholes who won't let me do my god damned job because I don't have enough 'flair' on and don't take nearly enough uppers to suit them') that came up with such stupid ideas as Item #1.
YAY! WORKPLACE ASSAULT FOR THE WIN!

[trickykitty.livejournal.com]

If you show up on Saturday (btw, did you get the email about the board game?) I'll be sure to have the newsletter handy for you to rip to shreds the rest of the items on the list.