From a Neurological Standpoint

[trickykitty]

I want to understand "heart-wrenching loss."

Heaven knows I've dealt with it enough over the course of this week that I have a front-row seat to the nightly entertainment that is the massive contortion of the human body into a lump of tear-covered flesh. (Why, yes, I am just a bit bitter about this. How could you tell?)

I want to understand what areas in the brain create the sense of loss. I want to know why a good sonnet will move me, a good movie will make me cry, and true loss will make me hyperventilate in fits of sobs. I want to understand it, because it's there to be understood; it's another puzzle for me to solve. It won't solve anyone's feeling of loss (oh how I wish it would, because then I could figure out why I sometimes prefer for my own emotions to tear me asunder [such a great line] as though somehow I prefer feeling wretched over feeling at ease in certain moments), but maybe understanding it more can lead to better control over it. People who have a hard time feeling loss might be able to learn how to feel it if they so desire, and those who feel it too strongly might be able to learn how to control it better.

Maybe we could figure out why it's so important to feel a sense of loss in the first place, since it has been evolutionarily ingrained into our bodies, and with such a massive effect on our bodies at that. When you are a person who can turn emotions on or off at will, you begin to beg the question of why bother with emotions at all. Why bother with feeling loss? Studying the Tao Te Ching, the focus is on letting things come and letting things go. Moving on, because change is natural. So, is the feeling of loss natural if we are aspiring to rise above it on a rational level?

All of this is what I'm curious to examine and explore.

Apparently running on one hour of sleep causes me to become The Energizer Bunny of thought and action. Holy crap, you should see me at work today, and my brain is firing on more engines without sleep than it was with sleep. I read one article online and my brain goes WEEEEEEEEEE, time to formulate, postulate, and fumigate!

I know from where this energy flows. It's pent up aggression. I'm pissed. Really pissed. I didn't want to be hurting again, and feeling hurt again has caused me to move past that and into the realm or wrath. I want to express my proper anger, but it's not a good idea. Instead, it gets channeled into GIRville.

Keep that in mind, future AI batteries, that when the robots hook you up to be farmed, they're probably going to try and piss you off a bunch, because then you are most likely to become the creator of even more energy than if you're just sitting and picturing yourself rolling around in the daisies. Daisies, I tell ya! (an inside joke for some of our RPGers)

I feel like I'm drunk, and seriously easily distra...oh, look! Shiny!

Eventually, I'll stop editing this post and adding more line to it. Eventually. Maybe. Possibly. Weeeeeeeeeeee.

So yeah, have you gotten angry lately? No? Oh, give it a go. It'll be fun. Put on some strong beat music. Something that can start to get your heart pounding just a little bit more than it is right now. Something that'll bring out the need to go punch something. Really. Go do it. Get angry. See what happens. :D

Don't worry. I promise to crash into some form of deep sleep zone eventually after work today. This little joy ride will come to a halt. In the meantime....Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.