The first thing I had to face was that I was making decisions that were hurting others. I was blocking from myself the knowledge of what my decisions and actions were doing to others. Having to face the knowledge that I was intentionally hurting others was the most excruciating pain I had ever felt, both on an emotional level as well as to my ego. Previously, I couldn't believe that I had been intentionally hurting others, but I walked into that corner, brought it out into the open, and forced myself to take a long hard look at this issue that has been plaguing me for years.
What I knew in my heart, though, was that I am not a bad person, and it was time to become the person I was meant to be instead of continuing to hide behind the facade. Facing the knowledge of what I had done in my past, and knowing that I was going to fix this and make it right - that has been the best reward I could have ever asked for.
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Date: 2011-08-15 12:52 pm (UTC)What I knew in my heart, though, was that I am not a bad person, and it was time to become the person I was meant to be instead of continuing to hide behind the facade. Facing the knowledge of what I had done in my past, and knowing that I was going to fix this and make it right - that has been the best reward I could have ever asked for.