Does forgiveness actually exist?

[trickykitty]

Forgiveness isn't what happened when I dealt with the memory of a certain individual that day after day for a few years I constantly thought about before I was finally able to put the whole thing behind me. That wasn't forgiveness, I haven't forgotten, yet I was still able to let it go. I was able to let it stop bothering me so that I could move on with my life without thoughts of him constantly barraging my mind. He didn't do anything to secure my trust. He never apologized or made amends to me. I came to understand and deal with what had happened on my own terms.

Is forgiveness what comes after the letting go?

I don't think I could ever trust that individual. If for any reason he were to ever want to be in my life, even if he did everything in his power to make amends, I would still want to keep one eye open and trained on him at all times, just waiting for him to screw up again. Maybe over time he could gradually gain my trust, but I'd be kicking myself if he ever did something again.

I want to believe that people can change, but accepting that a person actually has changed is another story, especially when I'm their toughest critic.

I don't know if I could do this.